your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Randomize
