so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Randomize
