I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Randomize
