addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
