At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
