I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
