she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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