I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Randomize
