I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Randomize
