i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Randomize
