She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
