i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Found the puke drawer
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Randomize
