Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
