What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
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