bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
My vagina is officially offended.
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