I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Randomize
