nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
