we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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