the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
