So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
