Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
