worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
you will always have a special place in my vag
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Randomize
