mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
You're earring is so big in my mouth
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
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