I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
Randomize
