Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
