Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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