The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Randomize
