I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
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