you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
did you just send me my own nude
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
