he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
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