if i can run in heels then i can drive
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
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