Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Randomize
