I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
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