Little spoons don't ask big questions
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
