I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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