if i can run in heels then i can drive
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
