Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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