remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Randomize
