Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Randomize
