sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
