Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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