I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
