dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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