roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
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