he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
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