Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
When did angry sex become our thing?
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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