I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
