Three words: puerto rican gang bang
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
