Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize
