He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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