Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Randomize
