You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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