Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Randomize
