Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
