So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
