im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
